The lasts 3 posts show an "original posted" date on them because I deleted them for reasons I can only explain as being a trick of the enemy, I was convinced in my own mind that they shouldn't be out there for the whole world to see. All kinds of thoughts and lies went through my head about being exposed, everyone knowing my business, etc. And I let those thoughts take over, thus deleting the posts.
As soon as I did, the enemy attacked. I fell for the scheme... knowing and willingly. What followed was guilt and shame. I have repented and am back on track to renewing my mind. But before I repented and and got back on track, the attack happened over a 4 day period. I ended up contacting my ex (the one I was in the adulterous realtionship with) a couple of times. Emails were pretty short and I think because of all the times in the past that I left him (because of conviction), he probably knew it was best to keep them short and not get into an extended email conversation with me... we both know where it would have lead. So the last time I emailed him and said it HAD to be my last email, I just sat on the couch and cried and grieved. I am sure this is a cleansing of my soul and that not one tear is wasted because God catches them all and will redeem me. But in my human flesh, it hurts. After being with him almost 6 years, it hurts not to be with him. BUT, this is just a cleansing season for me. Old habits and thoughts have to be broken. I am staying in the Word. I am staying in God's presence, and if I get out of His will, I pray that God bring it to my attention so I can repent and get back on track.
Going back to the fact that I deleted the 3 posts... I was overwhelmed by the comments I received on this new journey, but since I erased the posts they are now gone, but they are forever in my heart. And this is not about putting all my business out there, but to uncover the lies and darkness the enemy has had me under all these years. I want my light to shine for others to know they are not alone and we are not perfect... never will be on this side of Heaven!
A Christmas Prayer
7 months ago
We all have gone astray in some way or another. There are many who will not confess it, but they will at some point. It's hard to recover from such a trial. There are many threads to untangle. There is guilt and shame and difficulty forgiving yourself. But God is gracious to the repentant heart and will help you get back where you need to be. I've been there in a different way, but I understand the process. Take heart, the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go. God bless.
ReplyDeleteTonya, I can see from reading your post why my post "Get it Out" was so timely for you! We all have things we need to get out, friend! Keep heading in the right direction and don't give up even if you happen to take a couple of steps backwards at times! He is right beside you!
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