It's one of those days that I'm thinking to much about the wrong thing. Thinking about my ex... wondering where he is, what he's doing, if he thinks about me, etc. And for whatever reason I decided to check his blog and see what's going on in his life. WHY!!!??? That only made it worst. He's sick. Has the swine flu and I so wish I could be there for him, helping him. Now I'm beating myself up for even checking. This is not good. I need intervention here!
As far as God has brought me, I refuse to turn around and go back down that road. First of all because it was against God's word. No matter how wonderful he is and was to me during our time togther, it doesn't make it right and only ends up hurting others in the process. I make myself think about if I were his wife and how I would feel if I were in her shoes. As much as it felt right and felt good, it wasn't. No matter how many times I tried to justify it, it doesn't change the fact that it was sin. Not to say that I didn't have the best of times with him... I mean there were so many "firsts" that he gave me. Ok... not going to start reminiscing here... but there is so much more I want to experience in life without having to hide it from the world and being in that relationship wasn't going to give me everything God has for me.
I am going to lunch soon and am going to call a good friend that I can talk about my temptation right now and she will pray with me to get me out of this funk. 6 years is a long time to just give up and it not affect you :) There are still emotional ties and physical ties that just don't disappear because I know it was the right thing to do. I ask for God's healing in my heart and mind concerning this.
A Christmas Prayer
7 months ago
I know how it is, you have to break ties with people. I will pray God will help you. That those around you will help you.
ReplyDeleteYou will see that you truly can do all through your father who loves you. May you hear from him what you need each day.
Tonya,
ReplyDeleteI love how open you are with what you are dealing with. I was speaking to someone just the other day about how I need to learn to identify Satan's traps. You asked, 'WHY!!!???'... because that is what Satan does. He threw you a line with a hook & worm on it & you took it. He then reeled you in slowly, ever so slowly & has made this 'sin' look ever so appealing to you. I applaud you in calling it that. A lot of people, including myself fail to identify things as the three letter S word.
Please know that I am praying for you. Praying that God will lift you up & out of this. Love you, Michelle
Thank you ladies for your comments and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteMichelle... I don't know all the traps but am always asking God to discern everything in my life so I can make the right choices. I know I don't and won't always make the right ones, but thank God for His mercy and grace that when I ask for forgiveness, it's given! Sin is sin is sin. And you know what, I almost didn't even type it. I almost used some other word and something said to go back and call it what it is.
If we can all encourage each other, strengthen each other and build up each other, we will overcome!!! Love you girls.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today and leaving a post. I, too, feel like I wear layers off masks... not just one at a time. It is a constant process of letting the LORD under each one.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that resonated with me about this post of yours that I just read was the end line. You said you were asking for God's healing for your heart and mind. There is no greater Healer. No greater Comforter. You are going to the only one who can truly bring you what you seek.
Keep on, keeping on, girl! With God's help, You. Can. Do. It.!
one day at a time sister... one day at a time...it takes time for heart healing... God is faithful though, very faithful
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