Giving Birth (to sin)

Originally posted 3/14/2010



I had a really wierd dream last night. I dreamed that I found out my sister had a son some years ago. I asked her how old he was and her response was that he was old enough to be hanging out with adults because he's been to some family get togethers. I had no idea. I soon found out that she gave birth in the 6th grade. I was shocked! 6th grade? She was still just a child. Thank God this was only a dream. But I started thinking "does she have some deep secret that she needs to share that noone knows about?" My mind wondered if she indeed had a secret that would shock us all, and I intended on asking her when I had a chance.

Started getting ready for church and was praying, asking God for discernment and self-discernment. Show me things unseen. Revelation knowledge. Got us dressed and off to church we went. During praise and worship, suddenly God started revealing to me that my dream had nothing to do with my sister and some deep dark secret. He was showing me that I gave birth to sin in the 6th grade.

James 1:15 (NIV) says:

"These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."

In the King James Version it says:

"Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."

LUST! I don't even remember how lust got into my spirit. But I know that it has wreaked havoc on my life!

I had just read about when you take a step towards God, satan is right there to pull you back. That makes sense, because I gave my life to Christ at 9 years old, which was probably the 4th grade. But by 6th grade, satan penetrated my life and seduced me into loving his ways. Lust led to promiscuity. I was always searching for love. Since I now know that women love with words/communication, for many years I was in one relationship after another. The words that came from mens mouths seduced me. There were plenty of times I even knew what the man was saying was a lie and just a way of getting in my pants. And it was almost as if I couldn't even control it. One man after another. Compared to the number of men I had sex with, there weren't many true, meaningful relationships... I'd say maybe 25%... and that's really stretching it! Sin gave birth to death alright. Everytime I laid with a man, it seemed he took a piece of me that I could never get back. A piece of me died each and every time. I didn't know how to stop.

God tried to get my attention many times, but the world was a much more powerful pull than God.

I'm not sure I say the right things in these posts. I just know God puts these things on my heart. Not trying to be out there in the blogosphere competing with all the women who know how to eloquently tell about something God is doing in their lives. I'm just me. And this is what you get! It's a journey, and I'm excited to see what He has in store for me. And I say that because I have no clue as to why He even showed me this today. Something's going to come out of it.